Shiur Parshas Mishpotim

As I learn more I see that I understood less. That this is a work in progress is therefore an understatement.

Disclaimers and fine print aside, let’s get to the heart of the matter.

Ohr Ein Sof is God in conceptual terms, is God in terms that we can think, talk about or even allude to.

Atzmus is not something we allude to, for if we do, then that too is Ohr Ein Sof. When we allude to something, that too is a “thing” an “idea or concept”, and that too is then a God within concepts.

Atzmus then is where there’s a complete paradigm shift, where we ourselves are changed so that we ourselves relate, or rather, connect to God in a whole different manner, not by concepts.

So while we may be alluding to Atzmus when we are in the realm of concepts, we are not alluding to an idea or concept called Atzmus, we are alluding to us being in a different reality where we “connect” in a whole different manner.

Actually the word “connect” is misleading, because connecting is what takes place in our realm. Connecting is where we see two definite entities that to a certain degree are connected. In the case where these two entities are totally and completely connected they are not two entities anymore, and we wouldn’t use the term connected. “I” am not ‘connected’ to myself, ‘I’ am ‘one’ with myself.

Atzmus is where we lose our self-consciousness along with losing all differentiation of the universe at large.
To give here an analogy, I once read a description of a basketball player on the court. He described himself as being so completely taken over by the game while playing, that he felt like ‘one’ with the ball, ‘one’ with the court. He felt like a cog in this big machine called ‘basketball game’.
Ballet dancers express the same feeling, being ‘one’ with all the dancers, losing the sense of individuality and experiencing a oneness with the dance and the dancers.

This term is called being ‘in the Zone’. We lose our self-consciousness while we still are keenly aware of our every movement. Actually, then is when we are at our best, at the top of our game, for we are one with reality (which now is the game) we are completely submitting to the facts of game and we almost flow along with that.

This experience is not really conceptually coherent, yet it is experientially very real.

Atzmus is experiencing that oneness with the whole of the universe, with the limited world along with the unlimited Reality. Not coherent but very real. [to me, it seems that it’s more real and true than the limited conceptual experience where we only experience limits and not the essence of reality itself, as if we experience the outlines of all things, the where it begins and where it ends but not the ‘thing itself’ (but this for another time)]

So were are we then?

1-
Self reflection has led us to see that the essence of our reality is Unlimited, Ein Sof.

2-
'Unlimited' by its very definition (if we may borrow that term) is not conceptually coherent, i.e. it does not fit in a realm of limits. Or, in other words, Unlimited does not allow for limit to exist.

3-
We therefore find our whole existence to be contradictory, something we cannot accept.

4-
We are pushed to go outside of all these conceptual terms and we go beyond all these terms of limit and unlimited as we knew it till now. We experience Atzmus and although we still experience limit and Unlimited but, as above, we’re in ‘the zone’ where all these terms don’t mean the same thing as before. In this ‘zone’ the sharp lines of distinction have lost its edge and we are somehow (yes agreed it’s not coherent, but remember, more real) in harmony with limit and unlimited. We are Whole.
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So while Ein Sof as we knew it, i.e. as a real sharp conceptual existence, is lost once we are at the level of Atzmus. [the Tzimtzum process, so to speak]. We still regain it from within the Atzmus experience. Not really the same as before but still there. As our Dancer above with the Dance, “Ke’Nagen Ha’Menagen.

There’s a lot more to write but a lot more to do too.
Till next time.