Its not her; Its you!

“I have heard from my Master ZLH”H, that the Nefesh, Ruach and Neshomeh of Adam {in the Kabbalistic tradition, the Primordial man} got reincarnated in the Seven {lower} Sephirot. The Nefesh {gets incarnated as} are ones servants and animals; and if he defiles his Nefesh, meaning action, he causes himself pain from his servants and animals. And the Speaking Ruach is speech; and if he defiled {his speech} with gossip and the like, this speech {these words} become the people who cause him grief and speak {bad} about him.
And it is known, that Speech is {also} known as Sex; and this is what the Sages, of blessed memory, {Kesubes 13a referring to a woman having sex, said} “they saw her speaking vechulu {Mei Medaberes, Lihsneh Maalyeh nokat}” so that his wife is {his} Ruach, {and as with those effected by his Nefesh} so too “{if} he merits, she {his wife} becomes of help; and if not, she {becomes} against him “ {Yevomes 63a}.
The Neshome resides in the mind, {and} it is from this {the Neshomeh} that the drop of semen {gets created} which are his children. And if one defiles within thought of mind {Neshomeh}, he causes himself suffering from his children.
And from all the Sephiros {one} could raise {his parts of his} Nefesh, Ruach and Neshomeh. Not so in the Seventh Sphere {Sephira}, which is {the Sephira of} Malchus, and from there {Malchus} feed the Husk of Noga; {from there} it is hard for one to raise The Nefesh, Ruach and Neshomeh belonging to him.
The principle that we learn {from the preceding schmooze is} that people who hate one, have come about through the defilement of his {own} speech. Therefore, one is obligated to raise and mend them through words of prayer, i.e. to pray for them to come back and to be mended, as is stated in the Talmud Beroches {10a} {concerning a conversation} of Rebbe Meir and his wife Beruryeh “may Sin come to an end” and not “may the sinners come to an end.”
And if one does not do like this {pray for the spiritual wellbeing of the people who hate him}, but pushes them away, {he this is what causes them to} become more material and coarse and they also hate him more. And this what our Sages OBM {Ber. Shom} said {referring to spiritually punishing people who make one suffer} “also punishment TO the Zaddik is not good” for it is the Ruach of the Zaddik himself that generates the people who hate him. And one needs to restore and to raise them in his prayers. And through prayer, the thing {judgment} gets sweetened in its root, and he takes out {from his enemies} his Ruach and what {ever evil} is left within them disintegrates by itself vechulu. And this is the thing {inyon} of Moses our Master, peace upon him, who was a Sheppard of sheep and then he gave them the Torah and they {the former sheep} became his disciples vechulu and the words of the wise are charm”.
Toldos, Lech Lecho, 15a
So the process of A”K takes place within each and every one of us, as with all other Lurian Kabbalistic symbols- according to the Besht.
The Besht understand this process to work as follows; whatever man defiles needs mending. The opportunity to mend, repair and fix one’s own soul- comes up every time anything emotion-provoking comes up in our lives.
If one experiences hate from another- its opportunity to face reality. Now I can do the usual “how dare he” “how could he” “why me” routine, which leads nowhere but to more hate. Or can take advantage of this opportunity to solve matters far greater than the petty hate.
The Besht teaches us that everything, Hate included, must be generated in a higher world in order to show face here, in our lives. So, if someone hates me, spends his time trying to hurt me. Where does this hate come from? The clue to the answer to this question resides in another question: why is it directed against me?
That hate, which exists in our enemies, is us. It is parts of divine energy that we have impurified. Being of an impure nature they find their way to impure people, the kind that regularly spends time, money and energy on hating. When our fallen clusters of souls enter this man, we now have the whole war machine in action against us.
So, the Besht cautions us against {rightfully} hating back- as it will accomplish nothing but make the enemy stronger and his hate greater.
Much stronger than the “turn the other cheek” teaching- the Besht advises us to completely forget about the hate-monger, as he isn’t the problem, and start fixing this problem by mending our soul- the particular part of it that has been afflicted. In our case, it is most certainly our Ruach that needs our attention. So we start by saying lots of good words. Speech comes from our Ruach, the bad words defile her- the good ones heal.
But in order to mend and heal these particular parts of our soul- we must address them. They are within our enemy. So we have no choice, we have to pray for our enemies until we get our Ruach particles back from them.
After the transformation, when the hate stops, we can rest assured that all that power of hate will now be a part of our divine flow and work with us instead of against us.
Later Chassidim {who cares about who} understood the Besht to be saying that once the tikkun is done- these guys die. This is based on a misunderstanding of “v’hanishor bohem koloh”. This is clearly wrong and as anti-Beshtian it could ever get. The point isn’t for anyone to die. The whole point is that in order to heal myself, I must pray for my enemy and heal him too.
So the next time “honey” starts up- don’t let your ego get activated and get the better of you. Take it personal… don’t blame. Pray and pray. Transformation is sure to follow- “honey” will become sweet once again.